Five Reasons Why I Want To Unfriend You

1) I want to unfriend you because you betrayed me when we were in first year high school. I didn't think it mattered at that time - we were young, we were stupid and we made mistakes. But little did I know that that incident, of you falling in love with my ex and unapologetically asking me if it's ok to pursue your "budding love affair," would leave a bookmark in my memory book and would eventually define betrayal by a supposed "friend". Maybe it was partially my fault too, because my passive-aggressive self let you: I didn't protest and say, "Hey, you're supposed to be my friend! You're supposed to know that I still haven't moved on from when we broke up in elementary, and I'm still waiting for him to come around and woo me again. Oh and, a real friend does not fall in love with her friend's ex!" So yeah, I didn't stop you or him. It took him about a month to figure out that you were completely crazy about him (the kind of crazy he can't handle) before he blew you off. Meanwhile, you and I stayed friends all throughout high school, we even became so close at one point. My ex and I even reconciled and got back together, then we broke up again before graduation. Maybe you were his rebound girl from our first break up, maybe not.

2) I want to unfriend you because you're such a user. You asked me if I could help you get a network plan because you badly want to have an iPhone, to use my name, IDs, and bank accounts to open said network plan, and I obliged. Then right after you get your most precious iPhone, you didn't stay in touch, not even a text from your newest gadget courtesy of yours truly. Not that I miss you or anything, but I think it's common sense for a friend who just asked for a favor from a friend to make sure that said friend does not feel as if she was just used for purposes of possessing the hottest gadget in town. Again, I have myself to partially blame on this situation - my passive-aggressive self obliged to your request when I should have said no. At that time, I was unemployed and had nothing better to do so I figured it won't hurt to help out a friend. And when I got employed and wished to get a network plan on my name, I couldn't or at least not without a hard time getting approval for my second subscription, because then I have to prove that I can afford to pay for both plans. In all fairness to you, you offered to help me apply and use your name instead (because now you already have a bank account and some legit ID). But I didn't take on your offer because it's too much hassle already and in the process, I would be more entangled to you. So, no thanks. We still stayed friends after this. You attempted to schedule our "date" as if to bond and return the favor; you occasionally asked how I was, only to be followed by a request or a favor to ask (again about the network plan); and you greet me during holidays and whatnot.

3) I want to unfriend you because I don't like how I feel about myself when I am with you. For starters, you make me passive-aggressive, which is not my natural state; you make me focus on you and you alone - like you suck all the attention and energy I have until I'm exhausted; and you make me do things that I don't really want to do in the first place. Maybe you're just persistent and annoying and irritating as hell that I would do anything for it to stop, only to feel bad about myself afterwards.

4) I want to unfriend you because this is an unhealthy friendship. I believe that in true healthy friendships, there's give-and-take, there's a time to talk and a time to listen, there's balance. Unfortunately, ours is you-take-what-you-want-and-don't-give; you talking all about yourself and listening without paying attention; and you being selfish. Sure, there were birthday gifts; there were random phone calls telling me your stories and how you wished I was there with you. But other than those things, our friendship doesn't really have a point - I mean, you weren't there when I needed a friend to talk to or when I needed someone to lean on; you don't attend any get together with our group of friends even when I personally invited you; in fact, we don't see each other and we don't even communicate often. So I don't really see the point on maintaining this draining friendship.

5) I want to unfriend you because I can. I am at the point of my life where friends do not just mean "we were classmates/batchmates in high school" but more of genuinely caring, helping, and understanding one another; I am at the point of my life where I don't want to be associated or defined by the company I keep; and I am at the point of my life where I try to maintain relationships that matter. I don't have to be friends with you just because we share a common ground that is high school, and I don't want to be friends with you because I genuinely don't give a f*ck about you anymore.


P.S. "Unfriending" someone is also applicable in real life, there's just no button that you can click on.

What Inspires You?

Generally, successful people or people who are so great at what they do are passionate and driven by inspiration. Given that they have the same talent or skill with other people, maybe even both enhanced by education and training, but the one thing that separates "good" from "best" is the passion, the inspiration, the drive to actually get there.

So what inspires me?

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure whether I'm just not a passionate person or I'm just a plain uninspired human being. I can't remember the last time I felt an extreme emotion. Sure, there were irritated moments (due to hormones), sadness, loneliness, excitement, happiness along the way, but not an emotion so strong it would crash me into pieces if I don't express it.

I don't know.

I don't know if it has something to do with me being single for the past six years; I don't know if it has something to do with me still trying to figure things out; and I don't know if it has something to do with me just going with the flow of life - no plans for the future, just living in the now.

I don't know, maybe I'm still on the search for that passion, that inspiration, and that drive. I don't know why I still don't have those things. It seems to me that some people are born with it, right from the start they already know what they would like to be in the future, or what they want in life or get out of life. Maybe I envy those people, maybe I'd like to be just like them, maybe twenty-somethings are meant to go through this crisis.

What I'm sure of is that it is quite alarming to know that I don't have an inspiration. Everyday I wake up, go get ready for work, go to work, work the whole day, go home after work, watch some movies or series at home, then prepare to go to sleep; every single day would pass by just like any other day - plain, normal, blah. Some days, I look forward to eating breakfast; some days, I look forward to depositing money to my accounts; some days, I look forward to dressing up and putting on make up; but most days, I read emails, news, articles in the internet, and look for a distraction, or an inspiration, a mentor, or a hero.

What I do know is that I am lucky and blessed and so grateful everyday that I get to set out and look for that passion, search for something that might inspire me. And in the greater scheme of things, maybe the journey of searching - together with all the frustrations, disappointments, and fears that it uncovers along the way - is a training or preparation for when I arrive at my destination (passion).

Maybe my inspiration is the hope each day brings - that today, I just might find what my passion is; or that tomorrow, I just might stumble upon something or someone that would ignite the fire within me. And maybe, just maybe, not knowing what my passion is or not having an inspiration yet, would ultimately lead me to where I have always wanted to be or where I am supposed to be.

How about you, what inspires you?